Tesla Towers

One of the first things I get asked when I’m brought onto a new development project is:

 

“What do we call the building?”

 

It’s a deceptively big question. And my answer is always the same:

 

If the address is powerful, keep the address. If it’s not, let’s tell a story.

 

A name is one of real estate’s most undervalued assets. A good one can transform a project from forgettable to magnetic, from “maybe” to “where do I sign?”

 

Some of the projects I’ve been lucky to bring to market include well-named buildings like Rose Hill, which is a nod to the neighborhood’s original moniker. The Cortland—inspired by the American apple that once filled Manhattan’s orchards. Walker Tower—a tribute to Ralph Walker, the forgotten genius behind that old Verizon switching station. And 141 Fifth Avenue—which needed no storytelling. That address is the story.

 

I’ve also helped quietly swerve a few disasters. No, I won’t name names. (Let’s just say you wouldn’t have rushed to buy in the building.)

 

Naming sessions with developers are equal parts thrilling and unhinged. For every thoughtful concept, there’s a pitch to name the building after a dog, a favorite planet, or—worst of all—the developer themselves.

 

(You know the type: embossed initials, 24K signage, the whole golden fantasy. It works… until it doesn’t. Then the rebrand is a race to the power washer.)

 

But here’s where things get interesting. Because naming isn’t just aesthetic—it’s economic.

 

Look around: the monetization of naming rights is already big business: stadiums, university halls, public parks. Everything’s up for sale  For the last few seasons, the Chicago Cubs had their walks sponsored by the North Shore Adult Diaper Store. Kozy Shack is the official pudding of the New York Mets. Why? Money  

 

So… what about real estate?

What if condo developers sold naming rights?

 

Say you’ve got a 40-story tower. Carrying costs are brutal, buyers are fee-sensitive, and that rooftop pool isn’t going to maintain itself. You need a financial backer. You need buzz.

 

Enter: Tesla Towers.

 

Built-in brand equity. EV charging in every space. A SpaceX telescope on the roof, why not? In return for naming rights, Tesla subsidizes the building’s operating costs. Residents enjoy lower monthly common charges.

 

Everyone wins, right?

 

Well… maybe.

 

Do people want to live in a branded building? Will the lobby smell like new car leather? Will your fridge update itself over Wi-Fi and lock you out until you agree to the Terms and Conditions?

 

These are real questions.

 

But in a market where HOA fees keep climbing, and buyers are increasingly value-conscious, this kind of creative thinking might be exactly what developers need—and buyers welcome.

 

Because if the building has radiant heat floors, a concierge who remembers your name, and decent soundproofing, you might not care whether it’s called Tesla Towers, Amazon Flats, or Smoothie King Lofts. Especially if your monthly spending was cut by 25%.

 

No matter how much you might hate Elon Musk, you might just change your tune and be thrilled to hear your new doorman say… Welcome home to Tesla Towers!

Let's do this-
Shaun