If you’ve built and run a business, you know that there are some good weeks and then there are some not-so good weeks. On weeks like this one, I find myself questioning what I am doing in this business. I don’t think this feeling is exclusive to real estate or New York – but maybe it is. We all have been there. There are periods when nothing seems to go right, and very few people seem to be in your corner. But you push through. Wait for next week, hoping it will be better. The longer you’re in business, the more you realize that you are just preparing for another onslaught of anger, greed, lying, cheating, and fear-mongering to rain down on you.
Lately, it’s been a monsoon.
I thought I was alone in feeling this way. Still, I’ve had some pretty personal and surprising conversations with my colleagues in the last few days. A lot of us – whether agents, developers, bankers, attorneys, etc. – seem to be more acutely aware of the negativity surrounding them. I don’t know if we are more conditioned to see it now or if behavior and the lack of respect and decency have just worsened.
The media shows us a mixed bag. On one side, our leaders in Congress provide us with what is essentially a circus each week. The lack of decorum and basic manners is all but gone. My wife, who spent four years on the Hill in the 90s, says the behavior you see today was unthinkable then. It simply would have never been tolerated on either side of the aisle.
Then on the flip side, you have high school kids in Nashville peacefully protesting for the right not to get shot in school. Apparently, 15 to 18-year-olds are modeling good behavior to show the “grown-ups” how it’s done now.
It got me thinking about how bad behavior is now commonplace in this business. This week alone, I have had clients renegotiate on long-agreed upon commissions just days before launch. (Of course, I get “No offense Shaun. You guys are great. It’s just business.”) Agents calling owners trying to take over active exclusive listings. Clients arbitrarily reducing their commission at closing because they “didn’t know it would be that much.” Referring agents sending their business to brokers they find bullies because they fear retribution. Taking my client to an appointment only to find out the broker had a friend do the appointment because they had brunch plans. And then, a developer expects off market deals to materialize with no marketing and exposure.
This all happened in four days.
This is not a vent. If you are in the business, there is a 100% chance you are dealing with this same bullshit daily – what I don’t get is why?
Not – why we are in this business – but why people feel the need to treat others this way?
Is it insecurity?
A case of impostor syndrome?
Fear?
Do these people believe that if they keep the circus going, they will avoid the consequences of their bad behavior? (I know an old developer from Queens who got indicted last night – so maybe this shit does catch up with you?)
However, the worst part of all is when the toxicity rubs off on us. Our frustrations bubble over at meetings, we snap at well-meaning colleagues, and worse, we bring it home to our families and friends.
Lately, I have really been studying the Stoics. I am a big fan of Ryan Holiday and his work. I have been trying to distance myself from the negativity, but I’m not going to lie – it’s hard. Some days are really hard.
So what is the solution?
Take care of yourself – both mentally and physically. Slow down. Take extra time to be thankful for the good people in your life. The gratitude trend is real.
And when you know you are heading out to deal with the toxic people of the world and they are just waiting to rain down their negativity on you, my best advice is to grab your umbrella.
As Maya Angelou once said, “If it’s bad, it might get worse, but you know that it’s going to be better. And you have to know that. There is a country song out now, which I wish I’d written, that says, ‘Every storm runs out of rain.’ I’d make a sign of that if I were you.”
I’m going to work on my sign now.
Sidebar:
Listened to a great podcast between Formula 1 legend Lewis Hamilton and life coach and best-selling author Jay Shetty about finding your own purpose, doing what is morally right even when it’s not easy, and how the power we give our fears stops us from being the person we want to be. It’s a worth a listen.
Let’s do this.
-Shaun